I struggled with some of the ideas since I fear they will push her away. I would have preferred to not do it over the phone, but I was so upset.A few hours after the session was over, I found out she had still been texting with her last acting out partner. At first she denied it and then she admitted texting last week.
I need to stick to focusing on myself and not getting all up in my head. She told me that she was missing an appointment with her therapist because she was having lunch with her best friend she wanted me to be sure that I knew she was going back next week. I guess I should have listened more when a friend told me “How do you know when an addict is lying?
It was her way of telling me that she’s still working on things, even though I’m not asking directly. We discussed how I don’t ask her about her therapy and how it mad it easier for her. Their lips are moving…” Overall it’s been tough going, feeling that we were treading water.
The next day, more of the same, good casual fun together. I’m sure the fact that we were free from most of the pressures of daily life, work, kids, family, etc. My work is to enjoy what we had but not focus on making it my everyday.
I need to avoid planning ways to get back to that moment.
The same number that I recognized from all the drama this summer. She also said that sometimes she thought about acting out and that it was hard to deal with them.
I said, “you got a text…” She looked and I asked, “is it him”. She said that he continues to text her and try to get her attention but she deletes them and hopes it goes away. Being triggered at the supermarket and other places where I’m constantly thinking and worrying about this. I told her we have to find a way to move forward on things between us and be able to talk about these thing.I told her I was trying to give her space, but eventually I wanted to find a way so we can talk about it in a non-stressful way. Things not getting worse, but thing not getting better in any measurable way.I had been talking more to my wife about my needs and expressing my real feelings more.Plenty of bad days of feeling upset and vulnerable, but mainly feeling like I could deal with things.I had my counseling session yesterday and we talked about how to push my wife forward in her recovery.I kept saying that this was hurting me and that she needed to get more help.