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In addition, a Google search of the internet will yield lots of research studies done on this very issue. It is very common for those who were adopted to feel rejected and abandoned by their birth parents. There is no set time or age when these feeling surface but, sooner or later, they do. Feelings of loss and rejection are often accompanied by a damaged sense of self esteem.

There is an understandable tendency to think that "something must be wrong with me for my birth parents to have give me away." It must be understood that these feelings and thoughts are unrelated to the amount of love and support received from the adoptive parents and family. Guilt accompanies loss and grief because the adopted individual believes that they are being disloyal to the people who adopted, loved and raised them.

In the end, lies and distortions never succeed and often result in feelings of anger at the adoptive parent, sometimes causing a breach in the relationship. There are cases where the adopting family lives in a state of fear that, somehow and someday, they will lose their child.

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They will even arrange meetings with the birth parents.

Today, adoption is common place and no longer carries with it the dark features of shame that colored it dating back to the 19th century and earlier.

Despite this encouragement, she was not ready to do any search.

Long discussions in therapy never revealed what she feared. According to the great psychologist, Eric Erikson, adolescence involves a search for self identity.

This may take the form of monthly visits all the way to weekly and even daily visits, according to what feels acceptable to all parties. People adopting children from other cultures or racial groups agree to raise the child with knowledge and experience in the background of the adopted child.

I know of cases where adoptive parents see to it that their child is raised knowing and practicing both the language, customs and religious rituals of their birth parent. Enlightened adoption agencies now keep all records on file of the children put up for adoption and make those records readily available when and if the adopted person wants to learn of their background.

The truth is that, adopted children who search for their natural parents, have no reason for shifting their loyalties and feelings.

They set out on the search because their is a deep-seated need for most of us to know as much as possible about our history, both racial, cultural, personal and genetic.

They do not want to hurt or betray their adoptive mother or father.

Feelings of guilt and fears of being disloyal were what prevented the girl in case "C" from asking the obvious question, "why am I in your wedding pictures if I was not born yet? In cases B and D there is a disconnect with the original heritage of the birth parents.

In my experience, the only real exception to this is when adoptive parents make the very deliberate and conscious effort to inform and encourage their child to do a search and to let them know how important that is.

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