She can go back to her husband when we’re done making love, right? The problem comes when over time an attachment forms between the married woman and her ‘other man.’ Now she is growing used to the arrangement and has convinced herself that the triangle makes her disappointing marriage tolerable.
If the ‘other man’ gets attached he will inevitably at some point start needing more from the married woman. My heart goes out to him more than any one else in this arrangement because he is usually the one who gets disturbed first and has more to lose.
Then he can go after a whole and available single woman. He’s the ‘other man’s’ competition, but not really.
All three people in this triangular arrangement have their issues.
Let’s do one at a time starting with the ‘other man.’ He is definitely looking for love in the wrong place and with the wrong person.
It doesn’t matter how passionate the sex with the ‘other man’ in her life is, she is not leaving her husband.
Usually at the beginning of such an arrangement, when the triangle is young so to speak, the ‘other man’ usually tells himself he likes this arrangement because he doesn’t have to make a commitment.
The ‘other man’ is probably afraid that he won’t be able to ‘handle’ a love relationship with a fully available woman.
He thinks that loving someone else’s woman will save him from this fear of intimacy. In my mind, this is an opportunity for growth because triangles are not good for people.
So let’s look at the type of triangle that has one woman and two men in it.
The target of desire in the relationship is the woman. Her husband is not leaving and she is not letting him go (otherwise she wouldn’t need a triangle to cope). It doesn’t matter how negative wife and husband feel about each other, they are together.
You are engaged in what is commonly thought of as a ‘triangle.’ Triangles are rough on the heart.
Fundamentally, they are unstable, like three legs on a table.
He may start thinking about asking her to leave her husband. He could be thrown out of the triangle and the married couple could end up fixing their relationship, this could happen.