Emotionally unavailable people tend to be perfectionists, always looking for the fatal flaw or character defect that gives them permission to exit a relationship and move on.In reality, they are debilitated by their own self-criticism and fear of being rejected.
Once the relationship becomes too intimate, they'll cut and run. Look out for the person who is quick to flatter and compliment you without really knowing you. In a discussion about their past relationships, they will denigrate their former partners.
Often these people "do" charming (as opposed to "being" charming) and are adept at communicating and appearing enthusiastic and enthralled. Their focus is on short-term intimacy, appearing to be open, revealing and vulnerable. Their relationship break-ups are never because of their behavior or the problems they created.
Often they are seducers just looking for another conquest.
Or, if they are over-focused on sex it may be because they don't feel they have anything else to offer.
Have you ever met someone who "romantically" knocked you off your feet -- as in "Hi Mom and Dad...
you're not going to believe this, but I just met the man of my dreams! How did they miss the obvious warning signs before they became intimate and gave their heart away? " or "He wants the same thing I want: to settle down and have children.") For those of us who've been in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person, we know the pain of not being able to get close to the person we love.
The "booby prize" in life is trying to understand or change the behavior of an emotionally unavailable person.
(Only they can change themselves.) People can be for both healthy and unhealthy reasons.
Are you really serious about wanting to be in a committed relationship?