Dating an acoa

This again stems from experiencing rejection, blame, neglect, or abuse, and a core feeling of being unlovable and flawed.

People-pleasing is also an effort to avoid conflict. Being highly sensitive You’re actually a highly sensitive person, but you’ve shut down your emotions in order to cope.

I put this together during my years of running group and came across it as I was doing some research for a paper.

This sets you on a treadmill of always having to prove your worth by achieving more and more. Perfectionism and low self-esteem force to you set your goals higher and continue to try to prove yourself.

People-pleasing You have a strong need to be liked and accepted.

It also leaves you highly sensitive to criticism and conflict.

You work hard, always trying to prove your worth and make others happy.

You sense that something’s wrong, but you don’t know what.

It can be a relief to realize that some of your struggles are common among ACOAs.Now you continue to take responsibility for other people’s feelings or for problems that you didn’t cause. Childhood fear and trauma left you in a hypervigilant state. If you identified with some of this list, like many other ACOAs, you developed these coping strategies and personality traits in order to deal with your dysfunctional family. Healing can start by simply knowing that you aren’t alone.Groups like Al-Anon and ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) provide free support and recovery.◊♦◊Photo: Andrew Yee/Flickr Read Sharon Martin’s column every week on The Good Men Project!There are so many things that alcoholic families don’t talk about – to each other and especially to the outside world. When there are things so awful that they can’t be talked about, you feel there is something awful about you and that you’ll be judged and cast away.When you feel unworthy, you can’t love yourself and you can’t let others love you either. Most of the adult children of alcoholics that I know underestimate the effects of being raised in an alcoholic family. If you’re an adult child of an alcoholic, you feel different and disconnected.

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