You may even have retrospective regret about ending past relationships because you recognize you were too picky—if it weren’t for your need for perfection, oh what could have been with various partners in your past?
Or, you may feel that there just isn’t anyone you have come across that you like enough to partner with.
Recognizing how much your neediness is interfering with finding and sustaining a relationship are the first steps to developing healthier ways to seek the reassurance you long for from yourself first and foremost, which will make it far easier for prospective partners. Being Unrealistically Discriminating Maybe your parents had a hard time giving you praise or weren’t satisfied with your achievements as a child.
As you have painfully discovered, it is often just too much to ask for, and you end up alone, which in turn creates even more insecurity, shame and despair.
Working on understanding how your need for reassurance reached this insatiable point may help you feel compassion for yourself, because chances are something was terribly awry in your past.
You might believe perspective partners out there are as picky as you have been, and therefore wouldn’t find you appealing, so again, why not cut it off before it begins?
Another scenario: you may feel like you have already gone through the pack of prospects, none of them worked out and so based on this limited group you are convinced that there is no one right for you out there, therefore, the right person simply doesn't exist.
Knowing people exist outside your limited pool can be inspiring in its own right, and can create an experience of hopefulness, which is a powerful and motivating feeling to have in any circumstance. Pressure You are painfully aware of how badly your family wants you to couple. Now this external pressure has intensified your own need and your own fears about remaining single.
Pressure can also promote a feeling of shame, hopelessness, and despair, and can compel you to choose indiscriminately at times.Because these reactions belong to the pressure and not to you, they are more likely to add to your frustration than to assuage the pressure.If not identified, the pressure can start to pervade every part of your being – even when no one says a word to you, you still feel it. Understanding the overwhelming nature of this pressure is the first step toward diluting its power. Burned Badly If you’ve been devastated in past relationships, it can make it hard to trust in new ones.Despite a relationship, you can have a tough time entering or maintaining a new relationship.Think about it: of course, if every time you did something it resulted in being slapped in the face, you start to expect you’ll be slapped in the face and therefore you try to avoid those situations or assume everyone is out to get you.Regardless, over time these experiences created a loud voice in your head that tells you your prospective mates aren’t good enough.