Desperate housewives dating site

Simply choose which of your friends you want the site to send you notifications about when there’s a change in their relationship status.Then, if your Facebook friend changes their relationship status, the website will send you an email, so you’ll be right in there straight away. As well as swiping left you can use the app to specify whether you’re feeling Heavenly (“Let’s go for a cute Frappuccino and take selfies”) or Sinful (“Hey, I would like to have sex with you”).

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What if you’re not rich enough for Seeking Arrangement or Personal Dating Assistants, but still want to bribe your way to a date. “Online dating is a superficial game” says Carrot Dating, but promises “With Carrot Dating, you won’t get rejected before you even get a chance.

Convince singles that spending time with you is worth it by making them an offer that they simply cannot refuse” It’s like The Godfather – but you know, for lonely, desperate creeps.

A bit like Snapchat, the app timecaps your encounters, only letting you search for available and interested people near you for one hour.

Unlike Tinder, the app doesn’t force you to link to your Facebook or other social network presence, meaning internet evidence of your shameful hour of need is minimal.

You can then send them voice messages and videos of yourself, which to be honest will probably be used for more sinful than heavenly reasons really.

You want to use Tinder, but you’re too busy, and you’re loaded (it is the perfect time of year for it with revision and student loans…). Aimed at rich single men with little free time to spare, Personal Dating Assistants provides an online profile management and ghostwriting service for dating profiles.

The main one being that you’re probably a fucking eagle-eyed psychopath to use it in the first place.

So you’ve tracked down future lovers on the road, Facebook and on your phone, but what about 30,000 feet in the air?

You might think you’re pretty good in bed, but if you’re someone who often wonders just how well you compare to others during sex, now you can check those crippling insecurities with Passion!

This app measures how well you perform during sex and gives you a rating from 0-10, ten being the highest, zero being very depressing.

Picture this – you’ve spotted someone you like flying past in a fancy car and managed to take down their license plate number before they sped off. You can then share your undying love for them and their ride by messaging them – probably something like “Nice rims” and not “I SEE YOU EVERY DAY WE’D BE PERFECT TOGETHER WINKFACE”.

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