Nintendo eventually tried to fix this with the Wii Motion Plus, an uncomfortable gyroscope attachment that hung awkwardly from the controller's expansion port.
Toss out too -- Nintendo's newer Wiimotes come with the extra sensor baked in.
It doesn't have any fancy motion controls, but it's compatible with every classic on the Wii Shop Channel.
The Wii U may be facing a drought of AAA releases, but its predecessor was flush with them.
They're compatible with the Wii U, too, should you ever want to upgrade.
Protip: If you have even a passing interest in Nintendo's Virtual Console, take a look at the Classic Controller Pro.
To disable Wii Connect24, access the Wii settings by turning on your Wii.
Move your Wii remote over the "Wii" button in the left corner of the screen, then press the "A" button.
Speaking of substandard equipment that came in the box, we need to talk about the Wii Remote.
This white wand may have ushered in a new era of motion-controlled gaming, but it's actually the advanced motion controller of its generation.
On the System Settings screen, select the "Wii Settings" icon that looks like a wrench, then press "A".