I’m going to start with a very simple one, the idea of discretion.Our Unicorn Hunters are good, thoughtful, compassionate people.
One of our intrepid Unicorn Hunters ran into the idea of swinging/open relationships/polyamory.
Much to their mutual surprise, neither party completely dismissed the idea (maybe someone did the first time, but they came back to it later, and finally the idea stuck).
However, as you might guess, I’m going to point out that there are some problems.
One of the first problems is when you don’t talk about your preexisting expectations up front.
It is critical to have a conversation with prospective partners, before there is a relationship, where you discuss how “out” you are wiling to be.
Set expectations early, so that everyone knows what things will look like and can consider the ramifications.
A person has a right to state a boundary about how they will be treated, meaning, this is something that you may or may not do to me, on me, near me, around me, or even aimed in my general direction. How would you feel if it wasn’t even an option to be seen, heard, validated as being a part of your life? You care about U’s feelings, you want her to feel included.
Many people who are in this situation treat the issue of how open to be as a boundary issue, since they see clear consequences for themselves if a new partner let’s something slip, for instance, by posting something on Facebook. The truth remains, you’re not ready to be out at work.
This can be said for all of the items that we’re going to discuss (which is why I chose this one first), so we’re going to return to this point frequently.
Another problem has to do with confusion around issues of entitlement.
They don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable, and neither do they want to have to answer questions or justify their decisions in the workplace, so they have decided to remain “in the closet” about this whole experiment.