How dare he not know Chanel from Givenchy, or what Louboutins are?! I didn’t want to admit it, I didn’t know how to admit it, but he wasn’t the only one.Sure I knew that “Louboutins” was the name of a failed Jennifer Lopez single, the song she was lip-syncing when she fell on her ass while performing at the American Music Awards in 2009, but truth be told, not only do I have no idea how to say it (Lou-boo-TAHS?
Yes, I’m as much a sucker for a pretty face as I was during my Olivia Newton-John phase, but the ability to dress yourself or look amazing when someone else does is low on my list of desired qualities.
I admire women more when they’re brilliant and clever, great talkers (having nothing to say is as unappealing in women as in men), and even better listeners.
It’s the ones who are fabulous — or, worse, trying too hard to be — who get on my nerves.
It’s probably why I always secretly hated Carrie on Sex and the City.
I once met the shoe designer Steve Madden, who, as far as I know, is straight, and I asked him why he doesn’t make men’s shoes. It’s a response that’s been echoed so often by gay male design students I’ve met over the years that when a friend who studies design in Melbourne recently told me that his dream was to create his own men’s line, he actually took me by surprise.
His work suddenly became 100 times more interesting.
He was griping about another friend and his alleged crimes against social and fashion etiquette.
It was bad enough that our buddy was high-maintenance, but did he have to be so clueless, too?
As much as I adore a good list (so gay — as are italics for emphasis! and exclamation points), I have zero interest in best-and-worst-dressed ones. ’s Fashion Police (another series that I’ve yet to check out on the Kardashian network), it probably would be because of Rivers’ irreverence, the way she’ll cut anyone down to size, regardless of where they fall on the A-to-Z list (ah, yes, another list), which, I suppose, couldn’t be more gay of me.
When I think back on my childhood, and all the clues I dropped for my mom regarding my sexuality — my obsession with Miss Universe, Charlie’s Angels and Olivia Newton-John — I suppose I can see how my lack of interest in what they were wearing might have thrown her.
Too bad mom didn’t have my friend David along for the ride.